~ Shards ~

Everything in life comes with its time; irrespective of our comfort or pain, or both. It's our prerogative to see each of these through, till they complete their time - of arriving as well as subsistence.
- moi

Every morning when the light hits our eyes, we face a primal choice to make; Love or Fear. And therein goes the rest of your day.
- yours truly

I guess we've been bombarded with too much at the same time. And in that, the core has been buried beneath the rubble. This oblivion scares us, angers us, frustrates us. We try to cope, we pretend.
But truth has a habit of catching up.
- okay, okay. I'm leaving now.

_L_O_V_E_

Their hands held on to each other,
the pain was unreal but one.
None knew where the hurt came from,
but the scar had deeply run.


Their eyes groped the river within,
while the heart closed its eyes.
The sun shone darkness,
the truth was same as lies.


Immersed together in the roaring sea,
the throes pulling 'em apart.
The hands clenched tighter; digging further
and it was then that they went back to the start.


The realization sunk in,
as the agony subsided.
The pain hid in their togetherness,
and rose up as afar they glided.


Contrary to what many might want to believe, that these lines carry with sadness and separation, through these lines i've tried to highlight how when a relationship, and not just a romantic one, turns parasitic, it would be termed anything but Love. Most of us are so deeply immersed in our insecurities and hollowness of our own identities, that we try to fill 'em with the presence of others, especially that 'special one'. It's what one of my younger friends, terms 'filling in empty spaces' (shall write about it some other, right now i'm short on time).
Nothing could probably explain better, how Love (or any relationship) ought to be, than these lines by Kahlil Gibran, the Poet of Life. Once again, this whole post pertains to relationships of Love of any kind imaginable and forged by humans. The night is raw and eager. Savor and soak.


You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.


But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of heavens dance between you.


Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup, but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.


Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together.
For the pillars of the temple stand apart.
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow...

Through the eyes of a Stranger

Routine consumes us. It's like termite which steadily eats away. It's creeps on you slowly and without warning. It saps you of energy to discover each day afresh of even the curiosity to do so. With no signs on the surface, it fools us into the trap of knowing and familiarity. And it is this routine, which at many times, blinds you to the little joys and beauty of your world, your cocoon. The Blindness to the Known.

I realized this, yet again, some days back when i spent 2 days in the company of my cousin. I took him all over the city of Chandigarh that i call home these days. Having spent 7 years here now, i tend to believe that i hold a certain authority on things which should be known to a visitor.

And what added to the novelty this time, was the exciting fact this cousin of mine has lived his whole life in a big village in the middle of Punjab and was visiting a city this progressive, for the first time ever. He's 20 years old, btw. Little did i know, that i'd end up being more surprised than him.

My cousin is shy, very sharp and acutely observant. From the moment i took the first turn to the time i saw him off at the bus stand, i saw through his eyes, what i had never seen before, although i cross it at least b-weekly. As his curious eyes pierced through the car windows, my complacent eyes rested quietly in their groove. But once he started voicing his  reflections on the sights and sounds, my eyes bounced forward.

The minuteness and the simplicity of his remarks jolted my lazy, gloating self. It was like being rudely woken up from a long, undeserved slumber.

Suddenly, i was seeing my 'home' in a whole new light and context. Things i had gotten 'used to' seeing and appreciating, i realized, were as pristine and wonderful, only my perception failed to register it so often now. His rural upbringing added yet another dimension to the commonest of things. We take them for granted and falter to discern how the slightest of triviality reflects significant features of its habitat.

His surveillance and our discussions ranged from how girls behaved as pillion riders, in the cities and villages, to how acrimonious impatience is spreading like an epidemic, everywhere. His insights made me rethink on some topics. The Heart of soil knows more about life than the Mind of concrete.

And so, through the eyes of a Stranger, i start re-knowing the Known. And re-knowing Life.

Today's song is by Alanis Morissette, a snappy number with some quirky suggestions, 'You learn'..


I, recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone, yeah
I, recommend walking around naked in your living room, yeah

Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

1-You live you learn, you love you learn
You cry you learn, you lose you learn
You bleed you learn, you scream you learn

I, recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I, recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free

Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

I, I, oh, oh

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually, anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You grieve you learn, you choke you learn
You laugh you learn, you choose you learn
You pray you learn, you ask you learn
You live you learn...

Collective Suicide Bombing

Anger. Resentment. Greed. Hatred. Frustration. Helplessness. Ego.
All of the above and other of their ilk survive only within our bodies. The more we feed them, the more they grow. Fantastic breeding grounds we make.

But the moment we choose to spit them out of our systems, they perish. As if the very touch of air strangles them. That's because the world, as it started and is in essence, doesn't want them. The expanse of the world outside of our bodies and minds, doesn't allow those environments to ferment which can serve as their habitats. Nature understands, they must not be alive.

Look around you, nature abounds in forms so myriad that the sheer magnitude could defeat our puny existence. Each entity glows with a natural sheen, which bubbles forth with perennial energy. When does this wither? In our company. Each one of us, a suicide bomber. And when we come together, catastrophe.
We have begun to teem with such caustic negativity, that even the potent, eternal vibrancy that is inherent in our very existence and everything around us, is wilting now.

Turn inside, the world within knows it too. Yet these scorned energies continue to enjoy a parasitic relationship with almost each one of us. Yet they grow. Yet we're eaten up.
Are we really that weak?

A lullaby which talks about things not so lullaby-ish, that's the song for tonight. 'No surprises' by Radiohead.


A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal

You look so tired and unhappy
Bring down the government
They don't, they don't speak for us
I'll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide

No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
Silent, silent

This is my final fit, my final bellyache with

No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises please

Such a pretty house, such a pretty garden

No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises (let me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises please (let me out of here)...

to look at the Mountains..

The firmament peeks below and discovers leaves of a book; each a chapter with its own fragmented story but coming together to shoulder a majestic story unfolding over centuries - to be scaled and learnt.
I let my eye take me where it can and the silent challenge of their rugged beauty stares back at me - to be conquered and learnt.
~ Difference in perspectives or difference in positions?

Ouroboros

Demons in the head
too many to slay
Divinity eclipsed
no motion, no way.

I jump from one circle to another
deepening the rut
dragging my feet.

And then, a day is born
a crevice appears
a womb, torn.

The vacuum fills me
existence recoils
I turn over, foetal
And the seed is fed back to the soil.

Such is death before death,
such is life after life.

ps. For the uninitiated, the meaning and symbolism of Ouroboros can be unraveled here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ouroboros

the Constellation within

On such a clear sky,
when the stars pierce through you
join the dots, discover the pattern
and see where the arrow points to.

The secrets are all here
so are all the answers,
Let the pull work on you
and take the dive deep under.

It's the escape, it's the destination
The differences are but our own creations.
Unleash!

Tonight's melody is from the Swell Season. A slow number that tugs at your quieter dynamics - Papercup:


Paper cup
Ain't got no worries
Got no
Got no dog in this fight
Paper plane
Take this note straight to her if her heart's still in the fight

Maybe time will decide
This restless spirit can't survive on breadcrumb trails no more

Paper saint
Will you hear her when she calls
You got no dog in this fight
Paper bird
Take this offering from her hands
This simple trail back to the light

Maybe time will provide
Give you the strength to decide
I hope it's not too late

Maybe time will decide
This restless spirit can't survive one breadcrumb trails no more

Maybe time will provide
Give you the strength to decide
You know it's not too late

Paper cup
Ain't got no worries
Got no
Got no dog in this fight...

The road to the moon..

The road to the moon
shimmers in its silkiness,
and the boulevards rest
with secrets untold.

I know, I've been here before
and the air
dances in my ear with recognition.

It's an ethereal rush
yet the moment seems suspended.

Detachment unravels me
and the world has never felt so much my own.

The song for the night, is one that hushes me while slumber pulls gently at me; 'What if You' by Joshua Radin. Close your eyes and melt.


What if you
Could wish me away
What if you
Spoke those words today

I wonder if you'd miss me
When I'm gone
It's come to this, release me
I'll leave before the dawn

But for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you

But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do

What if you
Could hear this song
What if I
Felt like I belong

I might not be leaving
Oh so soon
Began the night believing
I loved you in the moonlight

So, for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you

But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do

I could've treated you better
Better than this
Well, I'm gone, this song's your letter
Can't stay in one place

So, for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you

But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do...

So for tonight..

So for tonight,
count all the good that you have and rest it on your shoulder.

For tonight,
gather your regrets and let the mist cover them forever.

For tonight,
be the kid who believes in magic and carry it in your eyes.

For tonight,
sing your own song and let it be your theme for tomorrow and after.

So for tonight,
let's abandon and be.

The song for this night, before it swallows us in it's peace, is Thistle and weeds by Mumford and Sons. Play it on repeat, the voice won't leave you. Peace out. :)


Spare me your judgements and spare me your dreams,
Cause recently mine have been tearing my seams,
I sit alone in this winter clarity which clouds my mind,
Alone in the wind and the rain you left me,
It's getting dark darling, too dark to see,
And I'm on my knees, and your faith in shreds, it seems.

Corrupted by the simple sniff of riches blown,
I know you have felt much more love than you've shown,
And I'm on my knees and the water creeps to my chest.

But plant your hope with good seeds,
Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds,
Rain down, rain down on me,
Look over your hills and be still,
The sky above us shoots to kill,
Rain down, rain down on me.

But I will hold on
I will hold on hope

I begged you to hear me, there's more than flesh and bones,
Let the dead bury their dead, they will come out in droves,
But take the spade from my hands and fill in the holes, you've made.

But plant your hope with good seeds,
Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds,
Rain down, rain down on me.

~ Shards ~

Shards shall be a compilation of words that went astray, poems and thoughts which went unfinished like uncut diamonds, like the lonely leaf which flies away from its tree, like the beads bounding away from a broken pearl necklace, like the Shards of glass; each glistening and complete in its own imperfect beauty.

I've met her at dusk

and seen her at dawn,

she reveals, but

only to those who consider her own.

- Sumit Narang

She whispers the words to the winds,
and the sands repeat the same.
But it's all a despairing vastness to 'em
and the melody remains unsung, plain.
- yours truly


The human cacophony weaves through my quiescence, plummets me into the pit of conscious and suddenly, i flow free; anywhere.
- me again

If only..

The air carries the sweetness,
if only we would taste it.

The clouds shower all the meanings,
if only we would understand 'em.

The sun caresses us with energy,
if only we would feel it.

The river carries us forward,
if only we would let go.

The fire leaves only the purest behind,
if only we would melt.

The soil takes it all and gives back good,
if only we would value it.

They know it all, they show it all
if only we would be here.

Today's song is from the movie Into the wild. A song which pushes me to take another step everytime i think i'm done walking. Please put your hands together for 'Rise' in the bewitching voice of Eddie Vedder.


Such is the way of the world
You can never know
Just where to put all your faith
And how will it grow

Gonna rise up
Burning black holes in dark memories
Gonna rise up
Turning mistakes into gold

Such is the passage of time
Too fast to fold
Suddenly swallowed by signs
Low and behold

Gonna rise up
Find my direction magnetically
Gonna rise up
Throw down my ace in the hole...

Life-Lines.

"Faith is but Truth which hasn't met Reason."
- Yours truly


"Never forget who you are. And to become what you are today, you must forget who you were yesterday."
- and i do it again


"Randomness, rather than order, keeps us in balance."
- okay i'm gonna stop it now

Musical Chairs

A couple of years ago, i found myself in a room littered with spoils of a kid's birthday party. The transition to my childhood days happened in a nanosecond and wafts of colors and gaiety streamed through me courtesy my over-active Cerebrum. One visual which stood out and stayed with me even after my revery was broken by the call for dinner, was the one of a game i'm sure none of us would need an explanation of - Musical Chairs.

So starkly it played on my mind that i started pondering over it and came to a funny juxtaposition; Life and the game in mention.

Life's a lot like this game we have all played so oft. A bit like a parody, albeit a soft one, where the Chairs depict the various roles we all require in our lives like that of a guide, a best friend, a philosopher, a challenger, a confidante, a tension-breaker, a planner, and many more. And most of us, being the social creatures we've been made out to be, fill these Chairs with People, just like in the game.

Act 1: the day we're born, swarms of people flood in to surround us and poke us in all the uncomfortable places (oh the agony of being a cute baby!). Same with the inaugural round of the game. All go round in a merry, amiable circle. Until the music stops and hurriedly everyone scrambles for a place. Hey, we all wanna be important! So goes the growing of the baby too. Time passes, and a defining point (when the music stops) starts slotting people in different roles for the kid. And on and on, with every recurring round.

As the teeth fall and regrow, we grow beyond receiving endless joy from a chocolate and other things, the number of people get reduced (the important ones) and the roles a.k.a. Chairs start getting more defined, more bounded. Till the day arrives when we're left with the One, with whom we grace the applause when the curtains fall.

Some might disagree and confront that it isn't exactly the most meticulous and precise comparison. Rightly so. The only reason i mentioned it was because that was the trigger, which led to the personal realization that dawned on me. A mere extension of what i mentioned afore, but a more useful and simple one. I realized that the Roles (Chairs) in our lives, are more or less fixed, as they arise from our most primal and instinctive needs, and hence are immune to extinction in a paltry manner. But People, they change. Very few of them can be as resistant as the Roles to which they are assigned. So people, well, they come and go. Some stay, forever at times.

The duration of partnership varies, but not the eventual dissolution. Exceptions breed of course, but their community is quite a minority. The person who might be your closest confidant today might not remain as sensitive to your dynamics anymore. The person who was always there to crack you up, might not have the time today to think funny. It's natural. Makes it easier to let go, which is ever so essential to our lives and learning. And the sooner we accept it, the easier the river flows for us.

Come to think of it, one thing is assured, the music never abandons us. Let it play! :)

Tonight's song is one that carries a bagload of memories with it, but with no relation to what the song is about or what it conveys. One song that shall never leave my playlist, Stigmatized by The Calling:

If I give up on you I give up on me
If we fight what's true, will we ever be
Even God himself and the faith I knew
Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you.

Tease me, by holding out your hand
Then leave me, or take me as I am
And live our lives, stigmatized

I can feel the blood rushing though my veins
When I hear your voice, driving me insane
Hour after hour day after day
Every lonely night that I sit and pray.

We live our lives on different sides,
But we keep together you and I
Just live our lives, stigmatized

We'll live our lives, We'll take the punches everyday
We'll live our lives I know we're gonna find our way

I believe in you
Even if no one understands
I Believe in you, and I don't really give a damn
stigmatized
We live our lives on different sides
But we keep together you and I
We live our lives on different sides

We're gonna live our lives
Gotta live our lives
We're gonna live our lives
We're gonna live our lives, Gonna live our lives, Stigmatized!

The sky - it's all webs.

I walk down the cobbled street
No whiff, no blink.
The tempest within, the emptiness without
I break my own story, link by link.
The closed windows, the knobless doors
The sky - it's all webs.
I sense the end, but i seek the ebb.
Pray tell me, where do i step?
The rust glows
The shine blinds,
Fight or flight?
Whichever, i don't mind.
The dropless storm washes my dread
Lightning crashes.
My ground is torn,
And my sky - it's all webs.

Forgive, yes. Forget, why?

Ever since i can remember, i've heard these words from numerous sources and for numerous reasons and situations. Yeah okay i do get the underlying funda and am an ardent believer in Forgiving and moving on. It's the second part of the advice that stumps me. Forget? And how does one purport to do that? After giving it some thought, my cerebral part came up with the following scenarios:

1. Zap your memory. Exterminate. Abrogate. Annihilate. Use lasers or what you may. Game over.

2. Run to the same Doctor who Kate Winslet turned to in 'Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind', get those funky wires and gizmos hooked to your body and turn your mind, well, spotless.

3. Or is it meant in a holier manner where you train your mind to 'forget' the wrong/untoward situation and not give it any more significance in your life and simply confine it to the folds of time? You know, 'jaane de yaar'..

4. If at all, 'forgetting' is a feat possible in itself by mere exertion of will, then isn't it a part of the first act i.e Forgiving itself? Both involve a certain sense of renunciation and to my mind, the latter is a subset of the former.

5. What do you do when you're an Elephant??

Scanning the aforementioned alternatives for a degree of possibility and consequential credibility, my meter reads zero in favour of Forgetting. You just can't do it! The whole idea seems entirely hypothetical. UFOs would probably come up with a more substantial stand. Especially for Taureans like yours truly who seem to remember even the most inconsequential nuances of existence. Yours and mine.

For a moment, let's just imagine that being granted some super human powers, i or you or any one of us does manage to Forget, then what? Isn't that a whole fragment of your life gone waste? Isn't it memory only which allows us to learn? To cite a very basic example, a child suffers a slight burn in her act of inquisitiveness with a candle. So the ever-so-kind mother makes her 'forget' the painful experience. Now the next time, the child goes playing with the flame again, devoid of that 'memory', she faces the heat again. Not a wise move eh? Now this was quite a literal situation, but i hope you get the hang of it.

I firmly believe that anything under the sun, can serve a purpose, to anyone, if only we care to look carefully. So once we forget, that occurrence fails to contribute anything to our lives except remnants of traumatizing efforts to do the same. How utterly futile. And how unwise of us to let a part of our lives extinguish itself like this.

The way i see it, Forgive, but do not Forget. Or you'll be hurt again, the cycle will repeat itself. Doesn't make too much sense to learn, unlearn and then relearn the same thing over and over and over. Doesn't show me any scope for evolving.
Like i read somewhere, Forgiving changes the perspective (and life). Forgetting loses the lesson.

And please think of the poor Elephants once.

And today's song, aptly, is Bon Jovi's 'you wanna make a memory'. ;-)


Hello again, it’s you and me
Kinda always like it used to be
Sippin' wine, killing time
Trying to solve life’s mysteries.
How’s your life, it’s been a while
God it’s good to see you smile
I see you reaching for your keys
Looking for a reason not to leave.

If you don’t know if you should stay
If you don’t say what’s on your mind
Baby just, breathe there’s no where else tonight we should be-
You wanna make a memory.

I dug up this old photograph
Look at all that hair we had
It’s bittersweet to hear you laugh
Your phone is ringing, I don’t wanna ask.

If you go now, I’ll understand
If you stay, hey, I got a plan
You wanna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You could sing a melody to me
And I could write a couple lines
You wanna make a memory.

If you don’t know if you should stay
And you don’t say what’s on your mind
Baby just, breathe there’s no where else tonight we should be-
You wanna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You could sing a melody to me
And I could write a couple lines
You wanna make a memory
You wanna make a memory...